I hate being scared. I mean, REALLY hate being scared. I’m the person who jumps and screams when someone simply walks into a room and I didn’t notice them. You don’t even have to TRY to scare me. Just exist unexpectedly in my general vicinity and I’m pretty much guaranteed to lose it.
So naturally, every year, I go to the Shock House with the radio crew.
Because apparently, I make excellent entertainment for people who enjoy watching other people suffer. (Nolan Johnson, I’m looking at you!)
Last Friday was no exception.
The crew walks through the Shock House together, and I’m pretty sure everyone else gets to enjoy the experience while I provide the soundtrack. I scream the loudest, I’m probably the most annoying person in the building, and I spend most of my time hanging on to my coworkers like my life depends on it.
Poor Reader. I’m fairly certain I nearly choked him out by hanging on to the back of his sweater. Sorry, buddy. I was fighting for survival, and your sweater was the closest thing to a life preserver.
And then there was Olivia.
Now, I can call her little because she’s smaller than me, and I feel that’s an important distinction when explaining what happened next. There I was, grabbing her by BOTH arms, using her as a human shield and hiding behind her like she was somehow going to protect me from the monsters chasing us.
Olivia, bless her heart, was an absolute sweetheart about the whole thing. She could have easily turned around and said, “No way, Tonya. You’re on your own.” And honestly, I would have understood.
But no. She held my hand. She let me drag her around. And when I was having a hot flash, she even put her cold hands on the back of my neck to cool me down.
BOSS. SHE DESERVES A RAISE.
I’m not saying she should get promoted solely because she helped a grown woman survive a haunted house, but I’m also not NOT saying that.
The Shock House crew did it again this year. They put on another fantastic (and absolutely horrible, in my opinion) experience. The actors were great, the scares were next level, and I’m pretty sure I contributed enough screaming to keep the entire place running for another year.
And apparently, I should feel special.
Nolan, who organizes the Shock House and clearly enjoys making people scream, WANTS me to come back every year. In fact, he looks forward to it because, as he tells me, I scream the loudest.
(See the guy in the photo … the big red arrow pointing at him … yeah that’s Nolan.)
And just when I thought the experience couldn’t get any worse, Nolan teamed up with Danny Ismond to make sure I got the full treatment. They purposely shoved me into a room ALL BY MYSELF so I could be extra scared. (Poor Olivia got dragged in too).
There we were, jus the two of us …
With the things that jump out at you.
And the noises.
And the darkness.
And the knowledge that my coworkers were apparently willing to sacrifice me for their own entertainment.
Great. Just great.
I’d like to say I handled it with grace and dignity. I’d like to say I was brave, stood tall and faced my fears. Nope I sure didn’t. I almost fainted and I don’t think any of the actors actually believed me. Oh and did I mention that my boss was in there too, taking VIDEOS!!!!
And yet, somehow, I’ll go back next year.
Because that’s what we do in radio. We show up, we have fun, we support our community, and occasionally we allow people to terrify us for entertainment purposes.
Although next year, I might bring a sweater for Reader to wear that’s harder to choke, a helmet for Olivia, and a written request that Nolan and Danny be kept at least 50 feet away from me.
Do I think that’ll happen?
Absolutely not.
See you next year, Shock House.
I hate you already.
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